my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
