She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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