What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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