I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
