The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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