his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
