The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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