Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
