My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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