I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sarcasm needs its own font
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
