A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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