Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
