I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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