oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
