nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
