Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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