Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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