i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
