Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
