Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
