The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
