can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
