she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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