She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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