i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
