I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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