Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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