He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
