are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love having hate sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
