Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Are we still banned from the library?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
