i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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