The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
