Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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