He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
