Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
