you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
