I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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