she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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