There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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