i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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