he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
