If that was your dad, he is hot
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
