Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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