Where are you?
In a non slutty way
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
