We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
