try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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