Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
