Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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