Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
