I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
