I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
