I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
