oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
