There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
