i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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