Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
