looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
